Ever since the creation of the cell phone, taking pictures of yourself has become an obsession.
Most Facebook pages are crammed with selfies.
We are in love with ourselves.
Wherever we are, we want the world to know of our existence.
At the dentist, on safari, on a camel, petting a walrus, catching soap bubbles, or at the vet’s with Psycho.
All of social media is an excuse to be a narcissist.
I noticed even my dermatologist now has a Facebook page. In a way that makes sense since he’s in the beauty business. Tummy tucks and facelifts and such. But I’m sure he’s not the one keeping it current. He has no time with a waiting room full of patients needing Botox injections. Some 18-year old is doing it, probably his granddaughter.
Everyone wants to be famous.
From the bailiff to the zoo keeper.
And that requires a photograph.
The one you take of yourself.
On the way to the liposuction appointment.
Calvin says, “No derm docs for me. My fan page is growing everyday.”
According to experts in Europe, the smart phone might be to blame for sagging cheeks and droopy facial skin. More and more face problems are showing up in plastic surgeons’ offices.
The people are showing up, too, not just the face. And it’s not a pretty sight.
Apparently we’re bending over our computers and talking into our cell phones too much. This is causing our jaws to sag, our cheeks to flop, and our chins to recede like a wave in the ocean.
Plastic surgeons are all too happy to fix the problem. The new darlings of facial fixes are chin implants, tucked up cheeks, and straightened out jaws.
Sounds like an aerobics class on steroids.
So not only are we at risk for brain tumors because our phones are radiating our ears, but now we have facial creep.
Is there a solution?
How about rotary phones? They could be mini-devices in different colors to match our tablets.
We could invest in carrier pigeons and send notes to our friends and family by air. But that gets messy. You need rooftop cages and lots of seed. The clean-up is not pretty. And where do you go for birds with GPS brains who know your relatives?
We could, of course, revert back to writing letters. You know, the yellow pad with that instrument called a pen. Oh, but wait. We’d have to learn grammar and punctuation all over again. Thanks to texting and tweeting we can’t write a full sentence anymore.
Calvin says, “You brought it on yourselves. Technology has a dark side. Take a lesson from us beagles. We bay and sniff and snort. That communication never goes out of style.”