There’s a new app people are downloading to their smart phones these days. It alerts you to busybodies, bully bosses, and ex-lovers who are in the same vicinity as you. Then you can decide to call them and meet for drinks. Or not.

Why, I wonder, are phones called smart? Were they dumb before? Everything on your phone you either installed yourself or somebody in a factory in China did. I’m waiting for the day when you speak into your phone and tell it to have the nachos and beer waiting when you get home. And if it can arrange for somebody to walk the dog and vacuum the rug, even better.

It seems there’s a new app coming out every week claiming a better social media experience. Since the dawn of the human race, people have wanted to connect. I get that. It used to be smoke signals at first, and now it’s texting. However, I think there was more of a story in a smoke signal than there is in a text message. Getting a few sound bytes from your friend in Finland does not make a meaningful conversation. Or maybe it does these days? You’ve reached out and touched someone, even if for a nano second, and that’s what it’s all about. Somebody thought about you, typed a few letters, and pressed “send.”

Calvin says, “That’s pathetic. A meaningful conversation is when you’re gnawing on a bone together with your best friend.”